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In this episode we explore how posture and thoughts are intimately linked, and how we can use this as a tool. I share experiences from my youth which have affected my posture for much of my life; along with some ways we can explore this and find alignment in both our physical and emotional bodies.
TRANSCRIPT:
For most of my life my posture hasn’t been amazing. I considered this something normal that many people struggle with and kept it in the same category as other “I-should’s” and assumed it was separate from how I viewed myself, and the world, and how I viewed myself within this world; that is, until more recently when I made a proactive decision to work on my posture. I was having neck and shoulder pains more frequently and severely, which I thought at the time were mostly related to posture, and a belief that I had a “bad neck and back”. This isn’t to say that posture didn’t play a role in my pain and it absolutely did; but there is more to it than this. Now, I am thankful for this because it caused me to embark on this seemingly insignificant physical challenge, which actually impacted my emotional and thought world significantly as I learned how my posture was connected to my beliefs.
What happened was interesting. I started reading more about posture and how it affects your body and started trying to remind myself to use this more aligned posture whenever I could. That wasn’t the interesting part… I noticed, that when I was alone and noticed my slumping and forward-crouching inward-drawn posture, I did not struggle in my attempts to align myself physically. However, when I was out with friends, my husband or around strangers and other people… basically when I wasn’t alone; achieving and maintaining an aligned posture (which physically felt amazing) was almost impossible. I was stiff and it was awkward and I felt knots in my stomach and I just couldn’t pull it off. I was seriously baffled. After just a short while experiencing this, I started to really think about it, and as I processed this, I came to realize that it had to do with my thoughts. Are you surprised? I was amazed, even though I have been learning so much over the years about how our thoughts affect our lives; it’s moments like this, where I realize that my understanding of just how universally powerful our thoughts are on our life, that I am in absolute awe.
As I processed my thoughts around posture, I realized that I had judgements that a very good posture was only the privilege of someone of authority, and power; of someone who demanded respect. These thoughts made me feel like if I had this posture, that I was being arrogant and inauthentic. I realized I didn’t think I deserved authority and power and respect and thus had no right to represent myself in such a way. I didn’t know that I had these foundational beliefs in the way I held myself. When I was around other women, I would slouch to make myself smaller, or to try to blend in, to make others feel comfortable, to minimize myself. I didn’t want to be “too confident”. I didn’t want it to seem like I thought highly of myself. That is crazy! Being confident IS NOT being arrogant.
This realization reminded me of something I had watched quite a while back; I remembered watching a video by Amy Schumer about women and how we all just constantly slam ourselves around each other in our culture; often completely incapable of accepting a compliment, in order to make each other feel okay in our own (perceived) lack of self-worth. In this video, when one woman doesn’t do that, instead takes a compliment with grace and says thank you, all the moms gasp in horror and react in a very over the top way emphasizing this point. IT is amazing and totally paradigm shifting. The video had made me realize that I had a hard time taking a compliment because I rejected the idea of it being truth or me being worthy of that love and acceptance (yes, I do believe it goes that deep), and my thoughts took me back to that video.
As I considered this, and contemplated these thoughts and why I do this, I searched back as far as I could go to stories that reinforced this seed of thought planted in my mind. I recollected a handful of such events from my childhood.
I remembered being a thirteen-year-old girl in junior high. I was tiny people! I looked like I was at most ten when I was thirteen and was flat as a board… BUT I had the same size feet I have today (a size 8 made a size 9… with my monkey-toes)! My toes are long like fingers and my feet were huge. I was maybe 4 and a half feet tall; 70 pounds; and had the feet of a full grown 5’7” woman. Oh, and I was brand new at Ferrucci Jr High!
I remember a popular girl immediately behind me on the steps as I walked to class one morning sneering to her friend about how my toenails weren’t painted. She went on, saying how disgusting it was when girls didn’t paint their toenails; how it shouldn’t be allowed and how they didn’t look like a girl at all, and on.
This same girl had spoken up in a social studies class when a surprising conversation somehow came up about the poor (a classification which I fell deeply into). She talked with so much disdain for poor people, how they were a disgrace, among many other things which I can’t recall with clarity, and the tears just welled up in my eyes. I remember the teacher noticing and I tried harder and harder to shove those feelings down.
This was the same girl who, along with a handful of her friends, while I was giving a book report in our English class, rolled her eyes, dramatically looking at her friends and at the clock as they all chuckled together over what I interpreted was their verdict of my pitiful attempt at being accepted.
I remember the years of junior high being years of me taking on for myself an identity of being less than; of settling into that role they had given me without resistance, as I already believed this for myself. I digested beliefs handed to me by kids who clearly where living in their own world of lies and sadness (which I’m sure came from somewhere outside of themselves, as they learned to inflict these lies on others). I believed that I was not like “other girls” and would never be accepted by others as I was; that I was simply unworthy. I started to own this posture at that time so very long ago whenever I went out into the world, and kept it unrelenting until I became aware of this belief and it’s expression in my physical posture only more recently.
Just to clarify… I am not a victim here. This happened; and for each of the events in my life, I am learning to be grateful because of the priceless lessons found in each of these experiences. There is a lot that happened that was painful, but that made incredible growth also possible. I don’t despise these girls or hold resentment. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me OR to think I feel sorry for myself. I did enough of that for a long time; hiding the parts of me that were real and clinging to this story, allowing myself to feel like I was a victim. I think it’s possible that it was perhaps a lot more painful on the other end. I have said and done hurtful things to other people in my life, and these past experiences of hurting others, hurt me in a distinctly profound way. I’m also not saying they are victims. What I am saying is that it’s likely that this was a product of pain in their own lives; messages they received from those around them and absorbed just as I had done. I hope for each person out there, whether you experienced something like this ON EITHER SIDE, that you realize that you did the best you could with where you were at emotionally and mentally and with the level of awareness you had. That doesn’t mean you didn’t mess up; you were imperfectly living in a way that gave you experiences to learn and grow from. It means you don’t have to be shackled by that pain with thoughts that hold you back. I am grateful for learning from this and I hope these girls, now women, found valuable lessons from this and their other experiences as well.
Back to our topic.
My story about my posture and having had experiences which led me to owning this posture, though it is my story, is one that many can relate to. We have all had experiences that rendered a thought which brought on feelings of shame and unworthiness. Those experiences don’t have to be the end of the story for that narrative in your life. The reminder in the pang these stories can be signals to you that you’re not done learning about how this is able now to somehow bless you and your life.
I’m sure you can relate to experiencing sort of knee-jerk postural changes going into a specific type of experience as well as in reaction to how you’re feeling. Maybe you’re going for an interview, a date, meeting new people, going to a dinner party or barbeque. Maybe it’s just that you’re at work or school. Whatever it may be, the feelings that arise which encourage both your body language and your actions, start with a belief and these physical reactions then reinforce those feelings and thus reinforcing the thought.
Did you know there have been studies that have shown that posture lowers levels of cortisol and thus your stress? Did you know that your posture affects the way your brain works and the emotion you tie to your situation and thoughts?
Your posture actually represents to others how you see yourself and, at the same time, affects and reinforces how you see yourself. This way that you perceive yourself to be is then reflected outwardly in your posture to others; and again their response comes back to you affirming what you believe to be true about yourself. This cycle starts with the brain.
What if you could interrupt this physical response? What if you could become aware of the changes in your bodily sensations, posture and other signals in your body and change the way you present yourself into the world?
You can. It’s not easy but it is simple and very possible. It’s a matter of intention, habit, and awareness. If you can proactively seek every day to pay attention more to your body and the way it is communicating with you, you will begin to notice how you present yourself to the world and this simple shift into awareness is a huge part of the battle.
With your thoughts and your heart, actively, you can change the way you perceive yourself and how you present yourself, and then cycle up. If you try, as I tried to do, to simply change your posture without first becoming aware and working on the thoughts affecting your posture, you too will find it very challenging. However, you CAN work on the belief and physical posture at the same time. It can become an upward spiral as you use the physical cue of slouching to remind you to tune into your thoughts, actively engage in those thoughts that are helpful, while becoming aware of the limiting beliefs and the fact that they are indeed lies; and simultaneously shift your posture to reinforce the uplifting beliefs that serve you. This will boost your energy and mood and so much more.
For me, visualizing myself and my posture as who I really am helps a lot. First though, I had to figure out who I was underneath all of the limiting beliefs. That is the person who is free, loved, worthy, patient, capable, compassionate; list those virtues of the person you REALLY ARE. The person you were designed to be, before you started listening to the lies. Then picture how that person would present themselves to the world. They have nothing to hide. They are light as a feather without the baggage of the world on their shoulders. They are open and receptive to the blessings ahead. They live in full unapologetic acceptance of who they are. They are so loved and lovable that the pure love radiates from their core. How does THAT person sit and stand. How does THAT person speak. How does THAT person greet someone new or handle another human connection. This doesn’t mean you find the perfect version of you and pretend to be that, so please don’t confuse what I am saying with pretending to be perfect and happy. Far from it. It really starts, as with everything else, with embracing yourself completely. With seeing yourself as God sees you, a precious gift, and with accepting yourself as you are without feeling the need to compare or compete. This doesn’t mean you think you’re above all. That’s arrogance. This means that you are accepted with your imperfections and all, and you are enough. When you feel this overwhelming peace that comes with knowing you’re fully accepted, lovable and loved; it becomes easier and easier to accept yourself and feel this acceptance for yourself. But critically important here is that you need to become consciously aware that your mind will have two narratives, and the one that is not helpful will fight this truth with lies as it always has done.
So aside from just becoming enlightened instantaneously (not gonna happen), what are some steps you can actively take this week to change your posture to the world today?
This work here, the work on changing the way you think of yourself and present yourself to the world; it’s a habit. In order to become aware, you need to practice. In order to align your physical and emotional posture, you need to have a game plan for where you want to go. But it should not be simply an end goal, which, when reached, you quit and return to your old way of being having lost your motivation with the completion.
Instead, what do you want your posture to look like emotionally and physically. Visualize this. Write it out. Write down what you would feel like. How you would look. Write the specifics. This is where you want to be. How you want to become you more.
Now write down the lies that derail you emotionally. Next to the lies, write the truth. For me the lie was that I was unworthy and unlovable. The truth is that I am completely loved and accepted and that I completely love and accept myself. Instead of the lie that I have nothing to offer to the world, that I am not “good enough”, the truth is that I was created for a purpose and have an abundance of blessings to offer the world. So perhaps these are the two lies that get me. To help create the habit of this posture I could challenge myself every day to start in the bathroom when I go to brush my teeth at night and in the morning and I could say in the mirror, while pulling my body in alignment, these truths that I just mentioned. They are my truth and I own them and draw them into the way I am presenting myself. If I do this then I can also start to put intention into my posture so that when I transition to new places (like work, the store, an event, a date with my man) I can remind myself as I enter the transition that these are the truth. Saying to myself that I am loved, and accepted and have an abundance of blessing to offer the world, while again pulling myself into alignment physically. If I challenge myself to do this for a month, every day, with the cues of the mirror and transitions, I will start to become aware of when my posture is not in alignment and when I need to draw close to the truth. It will also start to become apparent when lies are creeping into my head and I can always excuse myself to the bathroom to practice drawing myself towards alignment again with truth.
There are several videos on YouTube that you can check out if you’re interested, where you can work on posture and awareness simultaneously, anchoring them to each other. The ability of yoga to increase body awareness and overall wellness is incredible even in small doses and I highly recommend trying it. Similar to meditation, yoga inspires and promotes this awareness within yourself and helps you focus on the physical sensations and get out of your head a bit. This is very helpful if you’re trying to start a meditation practice.
What I also find incredibly helpful is to visualize that there is a rope running through the length of my spine from my sacrum all the way to the top of my head. I visualize this gently pulling upward so that my muscles become engaged but not tight and they pull the whole body upward and support the spine without attempting to pull it into a specific way. I draw my shoulders up and then back and then gently draw them out and down. The shoulders shouldn’t be pulled back or up. This should feel comfortable. I am not a yogi or a guru in this area at all; this is just from what I’ve read and found personally helpful. I engage my stomach and work not to overarch my back.
Who you are at your core is that person you deeply desire to be with the most authentic intentions; that’s who you are in truth beneath all of the lies which work to derail your life at the thought level, permeating your emotions and actions. Try to use the visual of your body in perfect alignment as a part of this and you’ll be amazed. Use the mirror as a tool, like I said before; every time you see the mirror, you can allow that to be a cue to pause and take a breath and align your posture on both levels.
Posture will actually help you to have more energy; to believe the thoughts that will empower you about yourself and your life, and thus have the feelings which reinforce those thoughts and help you put into action this being, in your posture and choices every day. You’ll be surprised as you experience how yosture affects your mood and energy drastically.
Visualize the posture that feels empowering; who do you find empowering and how do they present themselves in posture. What lies are holding you back from believing about yourself what they present about themselves by way of their posture? Practice claiming the truth again as I said before, while embracing the posture of empowerment. Practice in the mirror. Put your chest out and spread your shoulders to draw space and stability. Feel the feelings and the power of it.
If you listened to the third episode of The Radical Imperfectionist Podcast (HERE), you could also try rewriting your story surrounding these beliefs with the process I use to rewrite stories for myself. This is a very helpful practice that you can implement whenever you need it and it would be very appropriate for this type of work.
A woman named Amy Cuddy did a Ted Talk in 2012 and talked about power poses. It’s a great and quick video; if you have the time, I encourage you to check it out HERE. The more you think about posture and become aware of it, the more you’ll notice when your posture is communicating something that isn’t helpful for you and you can begin to make changes in these and other ways.
I hope you found this relatable and helpful. I love sharing things I’ve learned and ways these skills have helped me. Please share with me any breakthroughs on Instagram with #theradicalimperfectionist or #radicalimperfection and thank you for sharing in this journey with me. Even when it’s hard, you’re doing it sunshine and the progress will be worth the work. I wish you a wonderful day full of love and growth and can’t wait until next time.
With Love,
Holly Ann Kasper
The Radical Imperfectionist
